That is why Mr A should just google shit when I tell him I'm sick, instead of asking 'What's that?'
I'm getting over a bout of mastitis. The anti-biotics did a number on me. I'm nauseated, have a dodgy tummy, and keep feeling very... I can't describe it. Wiggly. Like all the molecules in my body are doing the mexican wave. Or something. BUT. That's all ok, because my boob no longer feels like it's going to explode and I no longer feel lie I'm sitting in an ice bucket even though it's 30 degrees outside.
I'm feeling better these days, and worse. I'm a little depressed about this whole shake-up of the DLA. I know I shouldn't get involved. I shouldn't. But I feel I HAVE to. I feel like remaining ignorant to the issues isn't right. But when I open myself up to the truth of the situation, I feel like I'm drowning.
I'm drowning in the futility of the situation: The big bad government against a small rally of educated cripples.
I'm drowning in the bad press; hyperbolic, sensational stories of benefit cheats.
I'm drowning in the ignorance of the average person about what DLA actually IS, and who can claim it.
I'm drowning in the truth of what will happen if I lose my DLA award.
I'm drowning in the feeling of being worthless, scum, a scrounger, no good, a waster.
I'm in tears writing this. The worst part? The words of fellow disabled people. People who feel that their disability is more worthy than mine. People who campaign for ramps and toilets and better chairs, but who would happily consign me to being sent back to work or, more realistically, just being much much worse off.
I try so hard not to judge people. In the car park the other day a man driving a car with a blue-badge rushed into a parent-and-child parking space that Mr A and I had been patiently waiting for. When Mr A pointed out it was a P&C space, not a disabled bay, and that the disable bays were further down (closer to the store entrance, in fact) the man became belligerent and rude. We drove past an empty disabled bay just 10 parking spaces down. He hadn't even bothered to check for one before taking the last P&C space. We had to park at the back of the car park so as not to get boxed in, and I had to limp across the car park.
That man judged me and my family. He decided arbitrarily that his desire to not bother to look for a more suitable space and his right to park where he liked, outweighed my need to park in a P&C space (for those without children, P&C spaces are important, because getting a baby into a carseat when you can only open your doors a foot is dangerous and difficult. P&C spaces usually also have safer routes to the stores, so parents don't have to walk children through open roads where there are blind corners made by badly designed carparks. Sometimes they aren't even closer to the store. Just safer and wider than regular spaces) He decided that I didn't need that space as much as he needed to stop driving RIGHT THAT SECOND.
Now, had there NOT been a free disabled space, I would have been the first to tell Mr A to give the space to him. But the act is that he can park in the disabled space, we could not. He had two spaces to choose from. We had only one, and he chose to park in that one space.
This is all getting a bit garbled. There was a point..... in that, people like him would look at me and go 'Well the medical assesment will weed out people like her! Send them back to work!'
I'm going to write a seperate entry about this...I started writing it in one entry but this deserves it's own one.