Monday, 14 June 2010


It's 'funny' how the less I weigh, the less I want to eat. I just don't see the point anymore. I never gain weight, it never gets better, nothing ever helps. My BMI hasn't been above 15 for months. I've been struggling for months and months to get it up and nothing ever works.

I'm just so tired of fighting this and never getting anywhere.


  1. God, darling,that's awful [very gentle hug] - as someone who's struggled to gain weight (off to check BMI, but was 92lbs this morning, having lost a few again) I really empathise.

    (Shit, have just checked, 16.7, oh crap...)

    I know from personal experience that the helpful tips folks give you (including dieticians) are 'add sugar to everything', 'eat ice cream', 'try Complan' etc, but I personally don't have a sweet tooth .. and such things make me feel sick and less able to eat anything :(

    Right, what helped me? Acupuncture: after one session with an experienced practitioner/tutor, I gained about 4lbs. Ground almonds can be stirred into things, and add protein (which you may be lacking) plus calories. Go for protein, veggie if need be, over sugar. Trade in your water and try fruit juice. Eat little and often, with things like full-fat hummus in the fridge, to spread on crackers. Go for multiple textures as well as tastes on your plate.

    And most of all...

    Be gentle with yourself. I remember feeling totally isolated when I was even lighter, as I couldn't find anything to buy and wear when I went clothes-shopping (retail therapy that makes you sadder? Oh yes, been there...)

    Sending you cake, made with love, if it'll help..?


  2. Ahhh, yes. I posted a status on facebook being a bit self-pitying and have so far got a lot of 'Eat more!' or 'Crisps! Cake! Biscuits!' or 'Protein shakes!' and I get tired of saying 'I don't have the money to buy junk fod non-stop, most of which contains milk anyway, because of my allergy cakes/baked goods need to be made by ME, which takes ENERGY. Which I don't have. Because I have a BMI of bloody 14. And protein shakes? Wonderful, except I'm allergic to them.' People mean well but they just don't think through why I'm having this problem and what it means, in reality.

    I recently cut down on coffee, hoping it would ease my IBS and sleep problems, and have replaced it with fruit tea. I go through about 3litres or more of tea a day, wih 5-6 brown sugars in each litre (I make up flasks! Fab for saving me having to pop up and down!) so that's a lot of sugar, and it's having NO effect as far as i can tell.

    Thanks for the suggestion to try accupuncture. I'm going to look into that! I know my mom had a lot of success with it for other problems, hopefully I can find someone who can help me too.

    I hope we can both creep up through the BMI charts. Everything is just ridiculously hard when you're this underweight.

  3. You're BMI is 14?? How on earth are you still alive??? I thought my one-time 15-point-something was bad :( No wonder you're finding things ridiculously hard, you body *literally* has no fuel to do things, and I imagine your adrenals are burnt out :(

    Dumb question, but I take it your GP has run a barrage of tests on you? As you're finding it *so* hard to put on weight, and have such bad IBS symptoms, I take it they've ruled out mal-absorption due to Crohns, leaky gut, thyroid etc? What are you able to eat, and how can we expand on it, in an easy-to-prepare, inexpensive way [hug]?

    The other thing about the acupuncture is that a therapist will treat you as a whole, and it may be that too much sugar is contributing to your health problems (it exacerbates damp in the body, which I believe is linked to depression), and suggest a list of foods *to* eat ..or he/she could, any way.

    I wish I could help further, if I think of any thing else I'll let you know.

    Sending love xx

  4. Oh lover, you don't even know how long I've been running on empty. My BMI right now is 14.8 (I'm a hair shy of 5'7). It was 14.7 when I got pregnant (for realz! A.B was MAD desperate to be born RIGHT NOW, so much so that she punched her way through a condom and impossible weight-odds. She's going to rock the world one day, this little girl) and remained around that for my first trimester. By a week after she was born I only weighed about 102lbs, and when I cut out dairy (she's allergic) when she was 5weeks old I lost a lot of weight. She's 11 months old this week and my highest weight in 10 months was 96lbs, which Just tips me over 15 on the BMI chart. I am a stay-at-home breastfeeder (did you know breastfeeding burns 500 calories a day? True story.) who also has to do most of the housework, I live in a maisonette on a hill and I have a car but no full license so I have to walk, with the baby and the pushchair and the hips that pop out of their sockets, if I need anything, down to the high street. And then back uphill. Ten minutes worth of hill. That shit is not fun.

    I'm so used to it that when I step back and examine it, it's insane. But the truth is I survive by literally doing nothing extra. I do what I have to do, and then I ration out my leftover spoons to whatever has been left in the procrastination-pile longest. Like, I won't brush my teeth or hair or get dressed, but I'll weed the deck, because the decking looks like it's starting to rot and it HAD to be done. I cut my spoons into tiny bits and spread them as thin as I can manage. There is no other way to live my life.

    I'm being dragged upstairs by Mr A! Will be back tomorrow.

  5. Back!
    MY GP? Run a barrage of tests? You must be mistaking them with someone competent. I have had a full blood panel (because *I* insisted on it) but that's it. They don't even care. We know my thyroid is fine but thats it, they just aren't actualy interested in persuing it further. I'm changing surgeries and will be having a VERY full first appointment with the new GP, but trying t get anywhere with my current GP is pointless.

    I am unable to eat any dairy, caffeine makes my IBS sad, as does cocoa (but you couldn't rip cocoa out of my cold dead hands) and too much fresh fruit, chicken a little bit too....but with the exception of dairy I still eat all of that. I actually have a fairly good diet, I just have trouble eating regularly because it's TIRING.

    I know it doesn't seem like it but I don't ctually have that much sugar in my diet, I sweeten my tea because I prefer the flavour, but apart from that and fruit I'm pretty good about keeping my diet balanced. A decade of eating disorders will make you naturally aware of what's going in, unfortunately!

  6. Damn it!!!

    I just wrote a huge long response, and it's eaten it!!


    I'm trying a new way to verify my identity, in the hope that it gives you my email address, and we can continue this chat off-blog and in private?

    Big hugs,

    happycatuk xx