Tonight I took the first step in being openly, publically, and unanonymously vocal about myself as a disabled person. I asked Mr A to take some pictures of me in various hypermobile escapades, and I uploaded them to facebook for everyone to see. I'll write a note explaining what Hypermobility means for me soon, but for now, the pictures are enough.
Immeditately, I was overcome with the desire to delete them. I thought 'No one will care, people will roll their eyes, wonder what the big deal is, confirm that there's nothing wrong with me, that everyone can do this.' Mr A didn't help much by being generally sleepy and saying 'Yeah, I can do that' when I bloody know he can't.
I'm scared, and that's ridiculous. to be disabled in our society is to be vulnerable. If you asked people if they would kick a disabled person simply because they were disabled, you'd be met with horror and vehement denial. Oh no no no! We would PROTECT the vulnerable! We would HELP! No, no they bloody fucking wouldn't. They'd bitch and moan about whether or not you were really disabled, accuse you of lying, kick you for good measure, then when you provide medical proof of disability, mutter 'well, doctors will label anyone disabled these days, just to get them out of their office. Half these bloody diseases and syndromes are made up anyway.' As a disabled person, you can't fucking win. To be 'allowed' to be disabled you have to be a blind, deaf, quadruple amputee with cancer. Otherwise you are FAKING and MALINGERING and should JUST GO BACK TO WORK.
So far I've had one comment, on a picture of my elbows bending 'backwards'. It was 'Mine do that too!' so not negative. I just hope that maybe by seeing the degree to which everything in my body is fucked, people can understand why I am the way I am sometimes.