So it's been roughly two weeks since I slept at night for more than one night in a row. I think I've had one 'decent' (by decent I mean long) nights sleep in that time and that day I woke up shaking with withdrawal and in massive spasms of pain.
I have never slept well, but this is wearing me down. Most days I've been surviving on 3 or 4 hour naps, maybe 7hrs on a 'good' day, but always in the middle of the day which makes for incredibly unproductive, stupid days. I'm desperate to go outside, just get some fresh air, get dressed, have some coffee or a muffin or something. But if I wake up at 2pm and then don't sleep for the night, by the time it's late enough in the morning to go out, I've been awake for 18 hours!
It's also ridiculously hard looking after Bug in this state. We're living in bed at the moment, which sucks, I know, but I just don't have it in me to get up. Yesterday I called Mr A crying and he had to leave work because I couldn't cope with her. She was just screaming and screaming and I hadn't had any pain killers in over 36hrs and had woken up in this funk. I just couldn't make her stop and she was driving me to desperation and I wanted to jump out the window.
It's now 4:30am and I'm trying to figure out if I can cope with today. My body is exhausted but I can't sleep. I also can't get up or go out, or function. I'm just a zombie. But an angry one. With a toddler. Toddlers are not conducive to rest.
I'm going to load up an episode of Greys Anatomy, go get some fruit tea, and try to beat myself into sleepy submission.