Monday, 12 July 2010

Good days

Today was a Good Day. I woke up at 2pm, which is more or less unheard of on weekends unless Mr A drags me out of bed. Weekends are when I catch up on the sleep I miss during the week. Without them I would collapse from exhaustion pretty quickly. I have two days a week to catch up on running myself down the other 5 days, so I usually sleep in what most people would consider a ridiculous amount. On saturday I got up at 4pm. Hey, walk a mile in my shoes, ok?

I literally collapsed into bed sometime between 3 and 5 this morning. I don't remember going to bed, Mr A woke up to A.B awake and 'playing' with my hair at 5am, I was out cold with no blanket on me (UNHEARD OF!) and when Mr A went downstairs all the lights were on, the TV was on, the netbook was open and running. It looks like I went up to feed A.B and then just passed out in exhaustion. Mr A thought I was dead! Ho ho ho.

Anyway, I woke up at 2pm, confused and groggy but feeling rested. I did a bit of laundry and then we decided to go for a drive. This is more or less unheard of for us, we never seem to go out on weekends except when we're running errands. We never go out just to go out. It always seems to be us hurrying out in a rush to rush around some place. It was really nice though. We had a really good long chat, we listened to some good music, we enjoyed ourselves. I'm so glad we did it.

Then when we got home I finished off the laundry and we made a kick-ass dinner and ate it outside on our deck. The deck is coming together really well, I'm really proud of myself. It was really bad befre, covered in junk and unusable. I worked really hard to get it to a state where we can use it. We've bought a string of solar lights and a kick-ass solar lamp. Added to the barbeque and the lettuce that I'm growing, it's looking really homely. Not spectacular, not Home & Garden-worthy, but there's space and we can eat out there and it makes me smile. Working on the deck is slow, four years ago I could have done in a weekend what it's taken me over a month to do now, but it is what it is. I get tired really easily working outside, especially in this weather, so I have to accept that I can do two, maybe three hours over as many days, maybe just that in a whole week, and that's ok. I have limits, that's ok.

Right now it's 3am and I'm taking a little break from tidying up the living room. We have a phone technician coming to the house on Wednesday because our phone hasn't been working for almost three months. The room is a MESS though so I'm a bit stressed out. Tuesday we have a paediatrician appointment so I only have tomorrow to get it sorted out to the point where I'm not embarassed to have someone see it!

I dyed my hair from pink back to blonde and I'm already a lot happier with it. I needed to go through a stage of dying my hair funky colors, I needed to be able to say I'd done it, but I would be lying if I said I felt happy with it the last few weeks. It just didn't look good and it was affecting my self-confidence, because I felt other people looked down on me and as much as I SHOULD just not care what they think, I do. I always do, always have, always will. I feel more confident now that I feel like a look more normal. I wish I had the self-confidence to carry off looking as alternative as I am at heart, but I've discovered that unless you have a community around you of alternative people to reinforce that what you're doing and wearing is ok, it's really hard. It's hard to be one person standing against a wave. I'm content that that doesn't make me a sell-out or a poser, it just means that I don't have enough support, and that's just not my fault, at the end of the day. It wasn't ME that stepped back when I got pregnant, it was my friends. They left me.

Today I am feeling peaceful. Now, back to cleaning!

1 comment:

  1. The first time I read your comment, I died laughing. Those little bitches you went to school with need to be cussed out. If I ever see them, I'll take care of it.

    The second time I read your comment (knowing you're British), I laughed even harder. Because everyone knows that a British accent ALWAYS makes jokes funnier. Friends for life!!