So, I'm awesome, but I'm not a fucking miracle worker, ok? Do you know what I CAN'T do? Fly. See through solid objects. Laser people with my eyes. Survive on 2-3 hours sleep a night, every fucking night. Except that A.B seems to think I can. And I mean, part of me is ok with that. Every mom wants her kid to think she's superwoman, right? Except that the power to fly and the impression that I have eyes in the back of my head are not superpowers that are likely to make me want to throw myself out a window.
It IS partly my fault, and I feel I should own that. My insomnia is exacerbating both our sleep issues (for me, the cause/result is obvious; for her, if I'm not in bed she doesn't sleep as well) so ok, hands in the air, I am kind of 'causing' this whole problem.
But do you know what ELSE I can't do? Control the way my brain works, and how much melatonin it chooses to produce and when. And yeah I could probably not taunt my insomnia by drinking caffeinated drinks, but the choice is drink a few cans of coke and survive the day, or don't, and risk falling asleep while holding the baby, or cooking, or in the bath. And when I stopped drinking coke I wasn't actually getting to sleep any earlier (ok, maybe an hour) but I WAS exhausted and drained and zombie-like throughout the day. At least now I'm exhausted but awake, right?
A.B is shouting at the TV in a really determined but very weird and creepy way. She sounds like a gremlin transforming. Ever since she got her tooth she seems to think she's really a particularly aggressive guard dog, barking and growling and shouting at everything. But mostly at me. Sigh.
In other news:
Dear Vanessa Hudgens,
Do you know what's CRAZY? Some of us have bigger stresses in our lives than spots. Isn't that like, insane? Insane. Unless Neutrogena has valium in it, I really don't think it's going to solve my stress.
Dear Elliot Minor
Owl City wrote an amazingly pretty, happy song, and you have to GET ON THAT and reproduce it almost note for note and release it? That sucks, and so do you. Go swivel. NO HUGS FROM THIS LIGHTNING BUG.