Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Sad Panda

Today I am a sad panda. No particular reason. Just am.

Except...maybe there is. Maybe I realised tonight that once again, I launched myself into something without actually thinking about the logical conclusion of my launch, and now that I am fully immersed, I've realised what a terrible, awful, ridiculous, stupid mistake I made. But it's too late now. There is NO going back without hurting people. Without letting people down. And while I probably overestimate my importance in peoples lives (probably? Definitely) I still am not enough of an asshole to think I can do whatever I like. And what's more, in the words of some anonymous philosopher somewhere, what is seen, cannot be unseen. I cannot bury my head in the sand now. I can't ignore what I know. And that is shit.

I've been blogging here for 10 months, which is longer than I lasted on any other blog.


  1. Are you not blogging anymore? :(

  2. Hey darling,

    I've been too wrapped up in my own pain to venture out .. but have finally found out some info I've been meaning to send you for months: the young writer's scheme at the Royal Court Theatre in London. I now, I know, it'd be impossible to get there with Small human in tow, but .. just think about the RC's writing schemes, will you? Ever since I started reading, I thought of this and thought of you. You have such a powerful writing voice, and such an unique perspective, hewn through extraordinary experiences .. that, well .. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather see a piece of work by. Seriously. If you need a sounding board for it, I'm here for you.

    Big hugs,

    A xx


  3. Sara: Nooo, definitely not. I've just gotten really involved in the disability activism side of the blog world recently, and the UK government is pretty much trying to pull all public funding and engaging in some pretty heinous propaganda re: disabled people right now, and it makes me so fucking down. I just can't even wrap my head around it.

    A: That is really awesome of you, I've bookmarked it and I'll have a proper look at it when it isn't 3am :D