I'm totes alive, y'all. I promise. The miscarriage is over and my hormones are starting to settle down. I am sorting through stuff in my head so although I have things to write, I don't really have the gumption to write them. Also, Mr Man is working ridic hours right now so The Beast and I are alone all day and that is SUPER TIRING Y'ALL.
I get southern american when I'm sleepy.
My pain levels are through the roof, and my legs are doing WEIRD THINGS that legs shouldnt be able to do. Tonight after having sex all the joints from my neck down just decided not to do their jobs. I tried to push up with my arms from lying on my stomach and my shoulders gave out, my legs were hanging out of my hips sockets and my knees were doing some sort of ridiculous thing where the kneecaps decided not to join the rest of my legs.
I've been thinking alot recently. I've never really believed I had EDS, or any sort of hypermobile problem. I always thought there'd be some other explanation, that it was too convenient that a friend should happen to be talking to me about her own EDS, should happen to send me a link to a blog to explain things, and that I should happen to find this syndrome so very like what I was experiencing. But the more time goes on, the more pain I'm in, the more my body does things that it just SHOULDN'T, the more I think 'Hey, maybe the universe had a plan, and who the fuck am I to mess with the universe?'
I went to a drop-in nurse last week, just to seek reassurance that all this stuff was abnormal. She took one look at my hip dislocating and relocating and immediately told me it WASN'T normal, that I NEEDED tests and specialist referrals, that something had to be done. The relief I felt was just astronomical. For someone to tell me that it wasn't all in my head helped so much. I sat down with Mr A and said I really needed his support in seeing a doctor about this. I needed him to come and hold my hand, because I was scared. We're making an appointment first thing on Monday.